are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
