She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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