Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
smell my finger.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
