Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
