I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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