I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
