I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
