um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
