Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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