in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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