ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
