just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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