She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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