im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
