The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
