I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
