Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
