Umm I'm too high to move.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
MIDGETS
????
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
