How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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