Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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