i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
