Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
