none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
