The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
