Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
