How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
