yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
