Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
