I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
