Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
