Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
