You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
