I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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