it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
