he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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