she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
