I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
