Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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