i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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