Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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