Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
