Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
