i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
