I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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