Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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