YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
