All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
