What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
