I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
