Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
