I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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